


Lost But Won

by KyoukaiKanata



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Despair, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, First Kiss, Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Paddock Family, Sebastian Vettel Defence Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25829293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyoukaiKanata/pseuds/KyoukaiKanata
Summary: How did it come to this? How has it come to end this way?Or Seb despairs but he is not alone, those he calls his paddock family will always be there. No matter when he lasts crosses the finishing line.
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel
Comments: 8
Kudos: 59





	Lost But Won

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was going to be a part of the drabble series, but it kinda ended up too long, so random one shot it is 😂
> 
> Title is taken from the epic soundtrack (Lost But Won) from 'Rush' which seemed very fitting when writing this 💙

There were many things he had expected for his last year at Ferrari. He had known that they would focus on their future rather than their past. He had known that of course the newest updates would be on Charles' car first. Of course they were going to be, he was their future, and no team will reveal secrets to the driver they will be letting go. But even so he cannot explain the deficit of the Silverstone weekend's. He cannot explain how the sport he once loved is becoming something he is beginning to lose faith in. His faith in himself in. 

He is a four time world champion, but right now he feels more like a full time failure. He can hear what the media say, what his rivals think, what some of the fans think. That he has lost it. It's like he doesn't care. Ferrari made the right choice. He shouldn't even still be in the sport. 

And god he wishes he didn't care sometimes. But he does. He always has done and he always will do. 

A quiet sigh escapes him as the last of the media duties are done, and he walks out through the paddock, through the closing chaos of the pit lane, and onto the track. He is lucky no one spots him, but once out on the tarmacked surface there is a yearning that builds. That still exists within him, that never has left. 

Walking down the main straight and standing on the finish line, looking up at the lights, he cannot help but think of all the memories, both good and bad. The history of his time in the sport. Of all the times he has watched those lights change over the years. 

How did it come to this? 

How has it come to end this way?

Mistakes have been made on both sides, even he can admit his failings, he is not a naive, purely selfish Red Bull driver anymore. 

But this, this is worse than any worst case scenario he had thought of when he took that risk so long ago and signed for the team that brought Michael, brought his hero, glory. 

He has won but lost. The end is nigh. The cycle of all drivers must come to an end, and even the status of a multiple world champion cannot protect you in this sport. No man is invincible. And when the end comes, it comes alone. 

The Scuderia will remain, it is his reputation that is in tatters. His alone. And more than ever, he wants to have the ability to decide his future, to not feel like he has failed. That the past was not based on luck alone. That he has thrown away all that he wanted, all that was offered to him. But he can't, and he is no longer sure what is worse. The loss of faith in him from Ferrari, or the beginnings of the loss of faith in himself. 

"We will defend you, you know."

The voice that comes out from behind isn't that surprising in the end. 

"Even if it is my own failures, my own misjudgement?"  
Seb turned, and met the familiar brown orbs of his rival, his friend. 

"If you truly believe that it's all you and not partially issues with the car, then you've forgotten who are Seb. Who you've always been." 

"And what's that? I'm not sure even if I know any more," Seb sighed and shook his head, his eyes drawn back up to the lights. A look of despair Lewis never thought he would see in his eyes. 

"My greatest rival and my friend."

Moving forward his hand rested on Seb's shoulder turning him slightly and forcing his gaze to meet his own, eyes burning with a furiosity, "A driver, a fighter. This isn't you Seb, and it never will be. Alain is right, there were many that said he didn't deserve his titles as well. There were many that said he got them purely because he had a car that suited him. Well that's just nonsense man!" 

"Is it? Well tell me how Lewis because at the moment it doesn't feel like that at all!" Seb snapped, pulling back and rubbing his hands over his forehead.

"It feels like I should already be done, that's there is nothing left. That I'm fighting not only the world but Ferrari as well. I mean what do you want me to say?!" 

And Lewis can see, looking at the barely hidden despair in Seb's eyes, that his rival is done. A man can only face so much alone. 

"That you'll still fight," Lewis smiled as blue orbs meet his own and leant forward, uncharacteristically resting his forehead against Sebastian's, "Look at me Seb." 

Blue orbs met brown.

"I can't beat them Lewis." 

The whisper was so quiet Lewis barely heard him at first. 

"Yes you can Seb, this isn't over yet."

Clutching his hand in Seb's hair, keeping their gazes locked, Lewis slipped an arm around his waist and pulled him into him. 

"You've always been able to drive on, to fight, even when things went wrong, even when you had little support from those that should have been behind you. I promise you, we will fight again." 

"How can you know that?"

"Because without you, there's no me."

"What?" Seb whispered, trying to pull back, "What are you talking about Lewis, F1 needs you."

"They need both of us," Lewis smiled releasing Seb,

"We're the Lauda/Hunt and the Prost/Senna of this generation Seb, Max and Charles may be the rivarly of the future, but they've got a long way to go to get there."

"They need you Lewis, they don't need me."

"They do Seb, and Ferrari, the world will come to regret it if they can't see that."

Before Seb could speak, Lewis moved to do the one thing he should have done years ago. Curling a hand around the back of his neck again as he kissed him softly, loving the small exclaimed gasp against his lips, before he felt some of the tension ease out of Seb's body. The kiss broke, "I need you Seb, I need you to push me, because without you pushing, fighting no matter whatever it takes, this wouldn't be the sport I love. It wouldn't be the challenge I love."

"You're on the verge of beating us all Lewis! And I'm hardly challenging you at the moment am I!" Seb suddenly snapped.

"Well you better get on with it and get signing that Aston Martin deal then. I want to see the champion return." 

"We all do," Pierre's voice came from behind them.

And Lewis couldn't help the grin that erupted over his face at the sight in front of him. At the frustrated spark that had re-appeared in Seb's eyes. The look that he had once seen over and over as he had one repeated championship's. 

The sight of the fire of life, and the fire was back, and burning. The very intense heat and passion that had kept Sebastian fighting with him for all these years, the fire that he had thought would always work at Ferrari.

That may have failed, but this is not the end. The embers of Ferrari will fade. Seb just needs to get through this year and then, then the flame of No.5 will rise again. He will have lost but won in the end. 

Footsteps appear behind them, and as they arrive, Lewis places one final kiss on Seb's forehead, an arm remaining around his waist. He isn't surprised by the first four before him. Seb's paddock family, his friends, Pierre, Dany, Kimi and Antonio. It is the last man that surprises him, surprises them both.

"Lance?" 

"They are right," Lance moves closer, "You don't forget how to drive Seb. Dad'll still take you, no questions asked, if you want it. Checo is great but they want the championship experience to be able to work on the future."

"And if I say no?" 

"Don't be an idiot Seb," Kimi grumbled crossing his arms over his chest and fixing those eyes of steel onto his friend's, "Take the future, Ferrari are the past."

Seb chuckled, leaning softly into Lewis' side as he placed another soft kiss into his hair, "How long have you been waiting to say that?"

"Years." 

"Yet you never said that when you left?" Seb smiled.

"Well no," Kimi shrugged, a slight smile of his own appearing, "I was probably a bit too drunk to care."

And as Pierre, Antonio and Seb all laugh at the pure bluntest and honesty that could only ever be Kimi, Dany rolls his eyes amusedly and Lance tries to hide his grin and fails, Lewis knows one thing. 

If nothing else, even in the darkest of times, Seb's true paddock family will always be there to comfort him, and they will support him, no matter when he lasts crosses the finishing line. 

But it won't be today and if they all have their way, it will be long beyond tomorrow. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always kudos and comments are greatly appreciated 💙💙
> 
> Feel free to come and talk to me on tumblr at kyoukai-kanata (http://kyoukai-kanata.tumblr.com)


End file.
